Daily Poll/Archive/December 2007
December 29, 2007 *Nuclear missile points, Time "Person" of the year, Russia, Vladimir Putin Why is Russia selling "anti-aircraft" missiles to Iran? Because Russians love bears. Because Putin is a commie. Because it allows them to ship the nuclear weapons Iran is actually buying. Because Russians hate Jews. December 28, 2007 *Bhutto points, Bhutto prequel, Benazir Bhutto, jihadists, Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf Pakistan jihado-terrorists have assassinated a peaceful woman who wanted freedom for her country. When does Operation Pakistani Peace begin? As soon as we can move all our troops from the Iran border. As soon as we locate where Pakistan's nuclear bombs are. As soon as White House press releases can update "Ir" with "Pakist". As soon as the World War III posters can be updated with Musharraf's photo in place of Ahmadinejad's. After giving the contracts and immunity for rebuilding Pakistan to Halliburton. December 27, 2007 *Democrats squeeze, John Edwards, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, USA Today, Rudy Giuliani Why can't we just move on to Giuliani-Romney making Clinton-Obama blink like a Pelosi and taking over in the greatest footsteps of a President ever? Reporters expecting fairness and accuracy. Not enough Rupert Murdochs telling their news media what to filter. John Edwards trying to pull Spears media PR events. Iowa needs time to build a fence to keep Minnesotans from sneaking across the border to vote. December 26, 2007 *Olbermann writers, writers, Robert Wexler, Dennis Kucinich, Barack Obama, NPR, Keith Olbermann If writers are on strike, who's writing liberal rants like Keith Olbermann's? Writers. They're faking the strike. Robert Wexler. Dennis Kucinich. Barack Obama. NPR staff. December 25, 2007 - Merry Yule *Christmas, Xmas, happy holidays, Yule, Exxon, Fred Thompson, Hillary Clinton, writers, executive order, surge, The Greatest Vice President What would be the greatest Christmas gift ever? Exxon stock. A third term. Dick Cheney as president. Fred Thompson making Hillary Clinton blink like Nancy Pelosi. President Bush executive ordering writers back to work. Another year of surge. December 24, 2007 - Yule Eve *Christmas, Xmas, happy holidays, Yule, macaca, sodomite, islamofascist, writers Tis the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even a: liberal macaca Obama Wexler writer sodomite islamofascist UN nuclear inspector December 23, 2007 *Americans for Blackwater, Blackwater, California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dead To Me, as researched by Blackwater VP-Training WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Some California town near San Diego recently rejected Blackwater's proposed new west coast training facility. Why hasn't the town been liberated yet? Potrero, the town, has no oil. Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot control the hippies and sodomites. California's 50th was already dead since Stephen declared it "Dead To Me(Him)". Blackwater and President Bush decided the facility is better next to Ronald Reagan's museum. Due to illegal immigrants, Potrero is about to be on Mexico's side of the border. December 22, 2007 *Evidence destruction points, New York Times, The Greatest President, Baby Jesus, Alberto Gonzales, as researched by White House Evidence Archiver WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Instead of enjoying the love of the Christ Child's birthday season, last week the New York Times decided to apply its filter to muck by: Not doing front page features of football playoff races. Not providing page sized-photos and interviews with the Bushes about their Christmas decorations. Not reporting on how attorneys of former Attorney General are protecting him from the Times' muck. Not reprinting in full President Bush saying, regardless or the truth, how "pernicious and troubling" it is that they would even suggest he and Cheney may have instructed the CIA to destroy some perfectly lawful interrogation tapes while keeping others. December 21, 2007 *Troops calling home, Eavesdropping points, troops, The Greatest President, MoveOn.org, Voice of America What does requiring the troops to pay for phone calls home, even on Christmas, accomplish? Helps the phone companies buy better wiretapping equipment. Shares key capitalism learnings of the Greatest President with the troops. Helps keep troops motivated to work longer hours and surge more. Saves them from hearing news that isn't approved for Voice Of America. December 19, 2007 *Immunity points, Chris Dodd, Russ Feingold, Edward Kennedy, wiretapping Why would the Democrats stop President Bush from giving American phone companies warrant-less wiretapping immunity? Because it's illegal domestic spying and violates the Constitution. They think women can be phone-sex raped. They're trying to pass a bill to give terrorists free long distance calling. Why do Democrats hate American phone inventions? December 18, 2007 *John Edwards, Ann Coulter, Monica Lewinsky, Hillary Clinton, Internets creative direction provided by Head Scab Writer WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer Rumours abound in the Internets that bouffant John Edwards had an affair with a lady. What shall this mean? He's not gay and Ann Coulter was wrong for saying so. It's part of his plot to make Hillary Clinton want him as Vice President. He was mistaken for one of the many superior, dark, full haired South Carolinians. His wife hired a surrogate mother who was impregnated by seed Edwards' produced watching gay erotica. Monica Lewinsky's career is dead, so she dressed up like a tranny and tricked Edwards into thinking she was Larry Craig undercover in an airport restroom. December 17, 2007 *Impeachment points, Robert Wexler, Colbert Bump Why would someone who appeared on the Colbert Report, got to shake Stephen Colbert's hand, and received the Colbert Bump want to pursue impeachment hearings for Vice President Cheney? To protect the USA from threats both foreign and domestic. To gain the trust of liberal Democrats so they can enjoy a hunting trip. To out the undercover sodomites of liberal Democrats. To make sure Joe Lieberman is on the hearings committee. December 16, 2007 *Voting machine points, Gonzales' replacement, Iraq reconstruction research provided by Senior Liberal Media Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer What was the liberal media trying to hide when they did their weekly news flush last Friday night? Things that the corporate parent company would prefer unreported. Their tendency to sneak in unsubstantiated rumors at the last minute. Liberal supported tube hackers using magnets to hack Ohio voting machines. Alberto Gonzales' replacement preventing Congress from politically influencing CIA torture evidence. Democrats trying to give liberals Iraq Reconstruction sex contracts. December 15, 2007 *Extreme Waterboarding, Bush's honesty, torture, John Ashcroft, research provided by Senior Truthiness Correspondent WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer What extreme fitness activities have you been enjoying this weekend? Sponge bath 3-way with Hillary Clinton and Jane Harman. Duct taping hibernating bear eyes. Hibernating bear nose pinching. Waterboarding with former U.S. Attorney General and singer extrodinaire John Ashcroft. December 13, 2007 *Talking points, The Greatest President, Narlboro, cigarettes Why doesn't the liberal media understand greatness of President Bush's 7th veto? They actually care about children getting health care. They don't get money from the tobacco industry. They hate children. They don't want children to enjoy the pleasureful sensations of a Narlboro. December 12, 2007 *School points, BAE Systems, books researched by analyst GlennBecksATool Why is the liberal media in the UK having a fit simply because a quality corporate citizen like BAE Systems is contributing money to merge 3 mere schools into a single, efficient academy? It will demand control of the academy and ability to revise history books. It will demand immunity at the academy for company executives. It will train the students to be terrorists. It will train the students to build nuclear weapons for Islamofascists. It won't replace books with a proper military education. December 11, 2007 *Evidence points, Halliburton, KBR What are the most important learnings to take away from the Halliburton rape case before we forget it: Rape crimes should be acted upon immediately and openly. Require immunity before accepting no-bid contracts in foreign countries. Evidence disappears sometimes. Ask the White House. Halliburton/KBR employees support the troops anally. December 10, 2007 *Rape points, Halliburton, KBR, State Department as researched by Senior Analyst WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer ABC News has reported that an American woman was raped in Iraq. By employees of Halliburton. Many employees of Halliburton. Then held prisoner and threatened until she: Called her daddy. Admitted she wanted it. Let the KBR guards rape her too. Agreed to let KBR security hold all evidence at the White House. December 9, 2007 Ahhhh, Sunday football. What's the best thing to do while watching: Munch on deep fried wonky ear. Drink beer. Order whatever the TV commercials tell you to order. Record cheerleader wardrobe malfuncitons. December 8, 2007 *Serious points, Al Franken, Air America, C-SPAN, Voice of America, The Greatest President Franken claims his campaign for Senate in Minnesota is serious. What's his real liberal motivation: To shake the Greatest President's hand. To show that, in America, any idiot can become a political leader. To do stand up comedy on the Senate floor for C-SPAN campaign money. To give Air America a no-bid government contract to run Voice of America. December 7, 2007 *Welfare points, sluts, welfare moms, The Greatest President, Formula 401, abstinence, virginality The increase in unwed teen moms clearly indicates: Republicans define abstinence as unprotected sex. Gays are raping innocent Catholic school girls. The strength of Stephen Colbert's seed in Formula 401. We need fewer tax & spend democrats trying to give them a free ride. The Greatest President's plan to restore family values has succeeded. December 6, 2007 *Nebraska, guns, Labor Unions, conspiracy, liberals, Christmas The Nebraska mall shooting is an obvious plot by: Some poor teenager stuck in a state of Republicans. The same Democrats who staged the Clinton New Hampshire hostage crisis. Some loner writer who knew writer unions would soon be liberated. Why do liberals hate Christmas? December 5, 2007 *The Greatest Intelligence, Timeline of Iran's evil, Israel's intelligence, factonista, Dubya What is the truth about Iran's threat to freedom: President Bush has not been reading intelligence reports again. They have fooled everyone but Dubya, 'cuz he can't be fooled twice. The Jews in Israel says Iran's a threat. Intelligence agencies have been infiltrated factonistas. Why do liberals want Victory for Iran? December 3, 2007 *Writer points, Texas and Fox make more money, wordanistas, writers Where has the daily poll been for the last week? The poll writers have been on a sympathy strike. The poll writers have been hunting bears. The poll writers have been helping break the union by taking scab jobs. The poll writers were randomly punching words out of Hollywood wordanistas.